(AND CLOSE THE GAP ON MOMS!)


This article was originally featured on The Gentlemen Project in September of 2015.

Calling all dads.   How many of you believe your wife has a better relationship with your kids than you do?   If you feel this is true, you are not in the minority.   Truth be told, she probably does.   Whether this is because she has more time to spend with your children - or more likely has established a stronger connection given the manner in which she engages – the simple fact is that the majority of dads are more distant.   75% of children prefer spending more time with their dad vs. their mom.    Want more data, just take a look at the scientific study conducted by Jimmy Kimmel- you don’t want your child trading you in for Spiderman or sending the Zombie your way!



In my case, only child of divorced parents, father of four children ages 8 through 15, and weekday road warrior, one might think the odds are stacked against me.   My wife is the rock of our family no doubt.       Her relationships with our kids are incredibly strong.  While I won’t suggest that mine are stronger, I will argue that they are as strong…especially because she has no means to debate right now (okay….you may see her imminently chiming in on the blog).

What I wanted to pass along to other dads out there is some of the methods I use to engage and build relationships with my children.     I only have 48-72 hours a week to engage them in person due to my work travel.  Subtract Friday at the local office, sleep, household responsibilities, “dates” with my wife and divide the remainder by four and there isn’t but a few hours a week for each of them.   My engagements must be efficient and effective.   If you aren’t a weekend dad with four kids, perhaps you can spend more time perfecting your golf score and waste less time in ineffective engagements by applying these methods to strengthen your relationships with your children.

Breaking Through Each Week

Once a week – 1.5 hours (Pick 3 each week)

  •  Breaking bread. Just you and them (mom will be thrilled to have the alone time).    Dads, this doesn’t have to be a steak house.  In fact, Steak and Shake is quite adequate (wear one of those chef hats while you are there).  The point isn’t the meal, but the fact that you have their undivided attention for 30 minutes while they EAT.   Let’s face it, all kids love to eat.  Put a burger and shake in their hands and you have their undivided attention for 30 minutes.
  • Breaking a sweat   Okay, this is easy for me with my boys as I can shoot baskets or throw the ball with them.  In fact, we spend countless hours each weekend doing just this.  IT DOESN’T COUNT.  This activity is something they do for endless hours perfecting their skills with coaches and peers.   Try and find something unique that they only do with you. 
  • Braking for charity.   There is no better means of connecting with your child then engaging them on charitable efforts.   Let them pick the charity.  Keep a diary of the experience.   Those charities that allow both monetary donations and volunteers will facilitate the strongest bonds with your children for two reasons.  First, it will prove difficult to sustain volunteering each week  (especially in my case).    One that allows monetary donations keeps you involved and serves a secondary purpose of teaching your kids about the “value” of money.
  • Breaking away.    Spend some time dreaming with them.  Talk about the future and what excites them and scares them.   As important as engaging them on their aspirations is allowing them to understand yours.   A relationship needs to be bi-directional.  The more they know about you, especially if they are thoughts shared in confidence, the stronger the connection will be.
  • Put on the brakes.    Find a means to engage them in a quiet place with no distractions.   The easiest place is tucking them in at night…however, that might be mom’s connection.    Create your own “quiet place”.   Take a drive to a remote location and open the windows.   Sit on a porch and paint their nails.   Climb a tree.   Find a spot that is “your spot” – where you can BOTH put the brakes on life.   No need for a lot of exchange on this one – embrace the silence.


Just a few hours each week will forever change your relationship(s) with your children.   The meaningfulness and consistency of engagement rather than the duration has the greatest impact.  Try checking each of these boxes for four straight weeks and let me know if you still feel after 30 days that your wife has a better relationship with your kids than you do.



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